Not (Really) A Social Butterfly

I still remember the day I entered a discotic for the first time when I was in a short language course in Germany. It was a new experience for me, a sweet young girl who rarely hang out at night. Well, it's not really because I hate to go outside, but, actually because I have no choice. My family always chooses to be at home rather than go outside. Even for having dinner together or lunch, we rather order it by online apps or simply buy it and take it home. We went together a couple of times, usually in some events held by the office or our church. We sometimes went together only our family, but the one I love and still remember until now is when we spontaneously decided to go to the Singosari Temple and had one of the best bakso we ever tasted. 

That day when I first entered the disco, I feel kinda strange. I didn't know what I'm supposed to do, it's just really not my thing. I ended up chatting with some people and went outside the room, eating some snacks and drinks that provided. It felt so awkward at first when I tried to dance in the hall. When I looked around me, everyone seems had such a happy time, dancing around, singing aloud and full of laughter. While me, only clapping my hand in the corner of the hall trying to guess the lyrics of songs I never heard of.

The party was held weekly on Friday to celebrate the weekend and ends of school. I realize that the party is a part of the culture there, and probably across the world. It's like all people of various nationalities had such a wonderful time there. 

On the next Friday night, the same thing happened again. I feel kinda awkward, even though I tried to join the crowd and followed them dancing or moving our hips and head. But it's still that awkward, until I decided to went outside the room, back to my dorm with my two best friends, watching TV while sharing stories and ate chocolate together. That's one of the best nights I ever had to have such a pretty comfortable moment.

But the last time was different. That was the last Friday we had there together, also the last day for some people who went back to their countries at midnight. It was so strange that suddenly I felt so full of spirit going to the disco and had a SUPER GREAT TIME there. I, the one who never stand more than one hour in a disco, moved like crazy that day. I was enjoying my time and dance like I never did before. I thought it would be our last time so why not spend time together with them at a farewell party? I was sweating, laughing hard, and feeling free.

Those times make me realize that I'm not really a social butterfly. It's kinda hard for me to communicate with new people in a new condition. I really hanging on the environment to approach me first before I'm trying to reach them. I can be easily lost my energy too much when I spend my time in a crowd. But that doesn't mean I'm antisocial either. I love to hang around with people I know, I'd like to go out with my best friends and family. I can be so talkative when I'm around people I know for years. Yes, time is matters for me to be in a relationship. It takes me a long time to understand people and to really show them what I'm look alike.

But those experiences make me also realize one thing: not everyone gonna stay in your life path for a long time. There are some people whom you met only in a flash of time, perhaps only a day in a camp or somebody you met at the airport. Those people aren't there to just pass by, some of them stay in your memory forever, either they give you a lesson, or they smile at you, or help you that you won't ever forget. At some moment in your life, the memory of them will flash in your brain and suddenly you will remember those times with those people. You'll guess how they are doing now. You may be still curious about the name of a boy you met at the airport who threw you smile and you caught him staring at you. You may be wondering what if both of you introduce each other and become a friend. 

I may not a social butterfly. It takes me time to hang around with people I just met. Sometimes it is easier for me to be quiet in the corner of the room, waiting for someone to drop a 'hi'. For you guys who ever did that to me, you don't know how lucky and happy I am and how I want to say my gratitude for that.

At last, it is okay to not to be a social butterfly. It is okay not to be the center of attention. I know if it is hard to start a conversation. 

But one thing that you and I always have to remember is that perhaps, that's the moment where you meet somebody that's going to be the part of your life. Maybe you'll have a friend and that they may surprise you or take you out of your comfort zone and help you grow. Maybe, you'll meet somebody who gonna be with you in the future. Or maybe, they are the ones who are in a bad condition and need help. Just add more courage and drop a hello. You never know anybody who needs your help. 

And for you those the social butterfly, remember that people out of your circle may be wondering how is that feels to have a friend. They may want to join the crowd but too shy to make a friend. 

Say 'Hi' to them. You may never know how precious that means for them: only a little act of sincere.